I just read an interesting article in the New York Times Magazine, which looked at a recent UCLA study that found that having doubts before marriage predicted higher divorce rates for women and higher dissatisfaction with marriage for men.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/21/avoiding-cold-feet-down-the-aisle/?ref=health
While the finding that uncertainty about a major life decision may indicate further uncertainty and dissatisfaction down the line may not be initially surprising, the article points out that some individuals may miss important considerations by labeling their misgivings as simply dismissing them as "cold feet". Since most major life decisions have both a rational and an emotional component, it may be helpful to decouple the various components by viewing the situation from an objective perspective. By writing out one's concerns, by creating a list of both pros and cons or by simply talking through one's doubts and misgivings with an objective, neutral participant one can quiet the often-confusing emotional noise around a given dilemma and gain a clearer perspective.
While it is natural to have certain misgivings and doubts when making a major life decision, dismissing one's gut reactions as "only natural" in hopes that they go away, may not be the best way to a desired outcome. During times of change, it is often important to create a space where one can safely work through one's feelings, thoughts, reactions and doubts, and come out with a firmer, more measured decision.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/21/avoiding-cold-feet-down-the-aisle/?ref=health
While the finding that uncertainty about a major life decision may indicate further uncertainty and dissatisfaction down the line may not be initially surprising, the article points out that some individuals may miss important considerations by labeling their misgivings as simply dismissing them as "cold feet". Since most major life decisions have both a rational and an emotional component, it may be helpful to decouple the various components by viewing the situation from an objective perspective. By writing out one's concerns, by creating a list of both pros and cons or by simply talking through one's doubts and misgivings with an objective, neutral participant one can quiet the often-confusing emotional noise around a given dilemma and gain a clearer perspective.
While it is natural to have certain misgivings and doubts when making a major life decision, dismissing one's gut reactions as "only natural" in hopes that they go away, may not be the best way to a desired outcome. During times of change, it is often important to create a space where one can safely work through one's feelings, thoughts, reactions and doubts, and come out with a firmer, more measured decision.
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