Inessa Manevich,Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
310.804.6339
  • Home
  • Services
  • Rates and Insurance
  • Blog
  • Publications
  • Office Location
  • Contact

Unconditional Praise and Self-Control

6/4/2012

0 Comments

 
The issue of continuous praise often comes up with many parents in my practice.  This is not surprising, as most of what one reads today about parents speaks to the need for parents to provide their children with unconditional love and "positive regard" in order to ensure a healthy sense of self. However, many parents confuse the notion of unconditional love and positive regard with unconditional praise, no matter how minor the deed. While having unconditional love for your child is  absolutely imperative, an onslaught of continuous praise for minor and frankly, expected deeds, can have the opposite effect.  

In this opinion piece by Sandra Aamond and Sam Wang, the authors do a great job of explaining the difference. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/opinion/sunday/building-self-control-the-american-way.html?pagewanted=all

They state that while some parents loudly and repetitively praise their children for virtually anything, even when they do not in fact do a good job, others use a more spearing, explicit and measured approach to praise, which underlines the desirable behavior. For example, instead of saying the general "good job" for a child's participation in a certain activity regardless of their performance, a parent might underline the specific accomplishment "I liked how you kept trying to make a goal, even when it seemed so hard". This type of praise underlines self-control, perseverance and the notion that sometimes things do not work out, but to keep at it. 

Additionally, the general "good job" can feel empty and meaningless if that is what the child hears regardless of the amount of effort and, frankly, success that they have. I also believe that there is nothing wrong with fostering healthy competition in the next generation, after all we all require certain goals to reach toward, even if it is simply to create more meaning in our lives.  We live in a competitive world, one that does not readily reward effort alone. It is our job as teachers and parents to teach the younger generations how to live and thrive in a competitive and results oriented society.


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Dr. Inessa Manevich

    *Information in this blog is for educational purposes only and should NOT be used as a substitute for professional therapy*

    Archives

    May 2019
    April 2017
    January 2017
    August 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    September 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

1150 Yale St, Suite 1 | Santa Monica, CA 90403 | 310.804.6339 | dr.imanevich@gmail.com
Photos used under Creative Commons from Horia Varlan, mccun934, NDrewC, Drew Selby, Digo_Souza, Ryk Neethling, thetaxhaven, Tim Geers, Kurayba, James Jordan, Benimoto, juliejordanscott, AZAdam, _Zeta_, Mae Chevrette, DryHundredFear, oxcnpxo, h.koppdelaney, Renaud Camus, ePublicist, Bev Goodwin, Skyline Group, One Way Stock, lydia_shiningbrightly, OpenSkyMedia, LadyDragonflyCC - >;<, Nina J. G., Sarahsvati #1, arnold | inuyaki, Identity Photogr@phy, jking89, A. Pagliaricci ♦, wwarby, rselph, symphony of love, Milica Sekulic, Renato Ganoza